Celebrating the Sweet Goodbye’s
It’s been 2 years since I began the reconnection of my lifetime. The reconnection with myself when I began writing this blog.
Thinking about how to express where I am currently at after two years of writing is virtually impossible. I’m a different person than I was when I began this. The only thing I knew for certain when I started typing was that I was ready to begin healing and that meant change.
I realized the changes life delivers are the only things that have never let me down. Throughout my entire life the only consistent is change. Once I embraced this, accepted this and allowed myself to open up to whatever changes life had had in store for me, I began to see how important my thoughts about them were.
Those thoughts are seeds that have been planted and my entire new garden has been sprouted from them. This has made me incredibly protective over my space and energy that is brought into it.
It is the greatest gift that has ever been given to me. It’s the most powerful thing that has ever happened to me. Yet, it is sad in a way when you realize this because I have to say goodbye to the well-meaning girl that came before the next evolution of my soul could take over.
That girl who was doing everything she thought she could. She was trying so hard to keep in control of her feelings until she finally took the brave step and started to feel again. She was so brave to not be afraid of being hurt or of pain but asking to feel it. Realizing that darkness has been a gift, and the light that has come out of that darkness is brighter than anything that would’ve happened without it. She was so bold to put it out there for everyone to see.
I do miss that girl that started writing this blog, I miss the intensity that she had, the anger, all of those things that made her so feverishly inquisitive about life. The woman that I have grown into since is a completely different person. While she still fiery and feisty those days of anger, frustration, fear and anxiety are over. I have made 2 lists for my life and will only reread one of them, those things are on the one I will never read again.
I feel deeply for that girl that had to live through those things for so many years. It makes me sad to say goodbye to her because I don’t ever want her to forget that she deserved so much more. She knew it, she always had it within her. That she was good enough, she should have spoken the words that she wanted to speak and she should have broken free much sooner than she did. However, those things would all be regrets and in this new space I am living in I have no vacancy for those guests.
All of that hurt all of that pain and all of those suppressed feelings were part of the explosion, part of the process and part of the learning. Without them the Woman standing here today would cease to exist. This new evolved woman I am incredibly interested in exploring further.
So I say goodbye once again and start my path until I’m ready to say goodbye in the next segment of this cataclysmic world I live in.
Thank you for being involved in this segment of the journey we share. The seeds planted in my garden have sprouted and it’s full of unique and beautiful flowers I never knew existed.